hehs.its cool being alone for some moment yesterday. the breath test was okay. yea no more h pylori bacteria. woots. im so happy. but i still gotta eat well and not drink. haha. i haven been drinking la. only recently. i have not drank for like 16 years in my life but now i do. im going against my own principles. hahaha.lol. smoke??i dont mind if it kills. i prefer being 'myself' in such a way. hee. i dont give a damn to myself already. wait till my body malfunction and i'll be glad.and maybe this will cause more problems to my so called ok stomach now. reflux will come back. i'll get oesophagal cancer for who i care and having more acids being produced in me. lala. i hate to eat medicines. its like hell to me. well its ok already im like used to it. but i've skipped some of them today.had some stupid quarrel with my parents especially my mum. i hate it alot. just because i dont wanna go to school u made a big fuss over it. yea i choose to get out of your life instead of facing your nonsense every single day. u can punish me for all you want. i dont care what you are going to do to me. cane me then if that makes you so much at ease i'll be really glad for you. ha =x. such a pathetic life every single day. it makes me feel like some sicko every now and then.heck then.i told my mum if u seriously want me to get out of this pathetic life. i will just pack my stuffs and disappear from your life. i'll take good care of myself for you info. i dont need anymore naggings and whatsoever. its really driving me crazy. its like wad. teachers, parents and almost everybody.argued the hell out of me.so i said its either me who drops out, get out of the house and live on my own. or you send me overseas to change my lifestyle. i gave her many options. lol. wonder which one will she choose. haha. i dont even see that there's a need to go counselling in the first place shouldnt have gone for those two idiotic sessions. talking crap to her. waste my time and breath. does that help for me?? NO. IT MADE MY LIFE WORST. none of you can judge me ok. I AM MYSELF AND I WANT TO DO THINGS MY WAY AND MY RULE. I DONT GIVE A DAMN TO WHOEVER IT IS. EVEN FOR MY KINS. TRYING TO TALK THE HELL OUT OF ME? DONT DREAM OF THAT!

its like hell these whole month to me. everyone is like going against me? maybe. i just have this feeling. life sucks totally and this friday i'll be telling ms tay on my own that im going to drop out. i seriously dont wanna live anymore. i blame my parents for bringing me to this so called 'wonderful' earth. damn it. everyone's giving me attitude nowadays. well well. no one understands a single bit of me. great huh? im beginning to fail every single thing in life. im forgetting many stuffs now. i mean the good ones. but the bad ones? they came back every now and then. i've been like some panda now. my brain is not functioning well now! i hope the juices get squashed out. i would like to see that. i dont know how to express myself to anyone. that's really me i guess. i just take it out on myself thinking that it'll be great. yes it does to some extent. never mind then. im fated to be in such a state now. i thank everyone for this. everyone that is. and esp him la. stupid right. how i wish i hadnt met such a person who cause so much destruction to my life ever since towards the end of last yr till now. its like now im much worst. someone take a knife and kill me. will you? stop till here then till im so bored to seek this place again.