well well, i'm already burning out not only fats but my health and everything. whoa!!! so cool huh. sighs. school isnt a luxury for me and it is just a boredom with loads of stress!! rahhh. someone save me from hell! i will have a super short life you know?

school was rather okay today kind of slack since chem pract is what that i like and time passes duper quickly on thurs i think? but now i'm suffering aches all over plus my gastric isnt doing a good job too. i'm having heartburns and inflammed oesophagus again. which means i have to take the breath test again and stay in hospital just for the scope( in short) to test for bacteria and other stuff that causes the relapse again. i wanna cry. it means i will suffer all pains and needles into my veins all over again. damn everything. had GP lesson today. which is rather bad. she was going thru this QTK thingy which i translate and thought of ZI GOR PEK i think it's spelt like that. HAHAS. stupid Ha called me horny when she's the one who's horny. i dont have that horny look ok girl? chill. you must be honoured you bear that name. just like how i did as a PON STAR. not PORN!


after school went to meet wayne which i didnt receive her msg cause i changed my no and so went to her house instead to get the shoes for this sun. saw lina and jx( her bf). so sweet. like almost everytime i see him fetching her home from school. * jealous* umms. and talked with ning (wayne) on the way showed me some post in her diary.. i guess he should really take time out just esp for her. it's like if you can do that for your friends why cant just for her? when she's a special someone? i think it makes sense right? i often get into such probs in any r/s. and it's always screwed. it's either my fault or his fault. sighs once again. and i dont know who i'm missing! i'm totally confused. firstly, i cry over him for like quite a couple of days and was really down just over him and our sudden breakup which i didnt expect. and i just lose hope in like almost everything ever since i thought he would be the guy i will really go all out for and just keep him to myself for my life. i once told myself maybe he will be the last guy i will cry really hard for. but what? he isnt the guy who will stay with me till the end of time. though i'm quite numbed to him already and trying to control my feelings and yearned to get back together with him again.but deep in my heart i know it wont be possible ever again. we still do talk. but we're sort of like closer friends. his heart will never be with me. i've sort of lost my faith in relationships already. i'm always the one being hurt and left alone in the dark. when ning asked bout me towards him just now. i just said that break then that's the end. like i totally heck about it. but i do know what my heart tells me. i just thank wenna for talking me out of it like just forget about him and let go.


chris is in bintan. and he said he really want to meet me yesterday before making his business trip there early this morning. asked him why. he said this " cause i miss you and i do hope i could see you before i leave". i'm really shocked at his sms. and he said it's ok if i dont believe him. but im a lost for words. i just hope his business thingy will be smooth sailing and yep successful in settling matters with that customer. and he'll only be back like today. (fri). my heart was like palpitating super fast when i saw that msg and i felt there's sth not really right. like hinting on some stuff. since mon i saw him at westmall hello shop, he said he missed me ever since the last time we met. sort of weird and random. i'm just very confused and i dont know where am i heading to. i guess i need time to sort our every single stuff. i dont have a piece of mind.




GPP research in process now and i'm already 101% burnt. i hope my stuffs are relevant which i think they're not.
someone pls advice me!!