Hi people! Monster is back, or rather sunshine is back. A nice name given by the Sand.
Dont ask me why he's called a Sand too, I'm told to do so. haha.
Wells, F1 Night Race is finally over with Fernando Alonso clinching the first ever night race title. Sadly, Kimi Raikkonen and Felipe Massa - Both the Ferrari Team, didn't make it through. Had some major cock-ups. But it's alright. They will still make it through in some manner.
Was at the scene of F1 yesterday, the 27th, Sat. Although I was sick, but I tried my very best to not be sick. Still, my body temperature is still high. It's really a fascinating sight of it, though cars passes by really quick and noises filled the air, kinda like it because it's the first experience that I had. I just love it being there because it's the fresh experience and also the liking for cars. Girls do love cars too. Amazingly, my friend's like what, you know much more about cars than me. How could you? Thanks, praise me. heh. I gotta thank my friend, Suresh, for asking me to go for the race. cheers. Some pictures of it will be uploaded but not really good ones. Couldn't really get a good take out of the face Formula one cars.
So after the roaring and palpitating axieties, quite a few buzzed me asking me to chill and party after F1. All at the wrong time. Do I look like one who likes to go to such places or will appear there almost every now and then? The answer is: I don't know. In fact, I do not like it. I would rather chill with a few of my good friends at better ambiences which I deemed better. Or just by the beach, looking at the stars, and just feeling the sea breeze. After much consideration and some negotiation, with the fact that I'm really sick, went to meet Hong Ping for a short short while. Supposed to meet her in the first place as she told me she's with another friend (girl) and needs my company for good. Reason being because her bf needs me to be there such that she could be there. So yea, I did meet her after F1 as it was near. However, instead, I met up with some people whom I didn't really wanted to see. Shall say, that's kind of least expected. There's some kind of awkward moment. It sort of affected me. Smart girl, asking me to get down for ..... So, I ignored the fact that he was there, trying to occupy myself and then told ping that I really wanted to go off. Reason: I'm not in the mood and am sick! So I kind of screwed up the plan she had in mind, or maybe there wasn't a plan initially?
Shortly after, she had some tiffs with her jerome and then it continued. Could understand how she felt. Guys.. They will still remain as guys. Girls will never get to understand what they really want. Especially if they're guys who don't know what they seriously want in life. Cut the crap for guys to say if they really know what they want or have plans if actions do not show. Have seen too many of it already. Only very few have proved to me so, and, it is that tiny few that I know.
Well, it dawned that it was the 'not in the mood day' for the both of us. I told her we should go home, so we headed for the train at 12am. 2 girls having kind of complicating problems boggling them. At least, I guess hers isn't as bad as mine. Shall not compare. Yes.
Ping actually commented informally: ' Girl, Titan so flirt ah? Why there's like a drastic change in him?'
My reply to her was: How would I know? If you count whatever you see or hear as being flirtatious at such pubby areas then maybe yes. But I have no answer for that. For me to know and for you to find out. It's him and because it's him many drastic changes can happen. And to add on, he's not really what you think. Get to know him better then you'll know. Me, once, being his girlfriend, shall not comment too much. If not, I will be accused of backlashing, back stabbing him with no justifiable facts. You shall discover it yourself. But girl, point to note, and also it's not only me saying this, once his friends and also people who have seen him once and heard about the stuffs going on, reckoned he's not as simple as it seems. He don't know what he wants and you shall hold your guard.
Ping: Why didn't you guys talk?
Me: Why should I? There's nothing to talk about and besides, he told me to never ever contact him, NEVER. So, I shall just follow suit whatever is lashed to me from that very day onwards. I'm just fulfilling his request from me. So yea.
Ping: aiyo, ni men ah ( you 2 ah), Sighs... Shakes heads
Upon replying, I felt like urgh, all these came out of my mouth? She's like kind of shocked when she actually asked me and also hearing my replies. Well, I'm a person who tells things honestly, right, Sand?? hahas. You know me too well.
Then asked for SOS when I was at Boat Quay because I seriously wanna leave that place for good. My mood and everything seriously added up on more heat. He's like, hmm why are you there? I explained then, he's like hmmm will rescue you. I didn't want to bother Sand, but yes, I did. Sand really rushed all the way from parkway (pang-sehing his friends) to home and then to escort me. Cool huh. Sorry ah. I'm really sorry dude. Running in court shoes is really not a good thing, he said. Especially up the hill of tanah merah? oh my gosh. I really owe you loads. Hint hint Xmas or maybe random days. ahahas. Many stuffs happened to me and I don't know how to explain but I should say I'm blessed to know you, Sand. Although you're in my extended circle from the beginning, but now, it's not. If you still regard as that, I will be upset. Of course I do have my cliques, the close ones and don't know whoever, but, it's just a word - different.
Waited a little bit as Sand was worried, though I said it's ok that I can go home myself since there's still extended train service. But, it's a no, answer. Expected.
So it's the 2nd day in a row, that I emo-ed to Sand. Don't ask me why it's always during these certain times. Emo-ed for quite a long time. Sick, but still, I felt that I'll feel really better after emo-ing than keeping emotions to myself. Sand said I'll take 1-3months? I don't know how long it will be. Well, Thanks a lot for the comfort and also the concerns about me. hmmms. At Guilin park, looked up at the sky and counted 13 stars. Upon looking at it, somehow, tears started rolling down. and then it continued...
Adding on - Who's the star?? I wonder if there is.
I will pick myself up again but it does take time.
Please don't fade as long as I live.
Point to note: I don't attract many guys. Though your position in my life, has caused many people to do many stuffs to get it. Somehow, none has reached the point where I deemed as a pass. So, don't try to teach anyone of them. No funny thoughts from you. hahas.
Anli is back but now she's at Shanghai? Am so so glad to see her on yesterday. She's like can we walk the F1 circuit? Sadly, gotta tell her she couldn't, but only I can. haas. I miss you so much girl. To see you back in SG again is just that great. We as usual, when we're out, it's SHOPPING Spree. Bought a pair of slippers, a sort of jacket-coat and a polo shirt. It added to don't know how much. She bought quite a lot too. When we're out it's just many going down the drain. But it's a happy thing to shop! yayness. Then met up with Sand again because he's coming to Suntec too and then passed him my shopping bags. Thanks for keeping them safe but also attracting middle-aged women to you. The stuffs I bought must have attracted them.. ponders, are you're a middle-aged lady killer? heh heh. *winks* The 3 of us met, Sand and Anli hadn't seen each other for like a long time too. So then Sand whispered some stuffs to Anli, I wonder what was he trying to tell her. Eh, I really wanna know, because you 2 had some kind of like secret and I know it's definitely bout me.
Anyway, shall see you again on Saturday when you're back girl.
Hugs and Misses.
So for today, I slept quite a bit, not a lot but had afternoon nap till before F1 started. Went to visit and return Darrel(oily) AC uniform, together with Jackson Toh and Wei Kiang. Then as usual, the 2 funny and kind of sick people. Especially oily. Bai kah but still as sick as ever. You slackerr, rot at home and still get paid by SAF which includes operational expenses. What a waste of the country's resources, do you know? I guess you should be the LOLI. It suits you. They mah-jonged and so I just see them play the game. Somehow, couldn't seem to get it no matter how hard i try. Then, headed home with them and rested till then. So basically that's my day. Didn't meet my clique for the birthday celebration as am running down a fever still and partly also something that I didn't want to portray in front of them. Something to do with them and also myself. Shall not say more. I will meet you girls tomorrow after my driving lesson. No worries, even if I'm still sick I will appear to make the day memorable. yeap that's me. Don't ask me why. Just like how unexpectedly, I upsetted Sand in a manner that day on Friday. Can 'Cui' which means to crush or just spoil
things in a maner. So I cui-ed my image and also his motto.
Things has to move on and trying to hold back doesn't do any good. Although some things remains unchanged, but history will still be a part of it.
I'm not gonna count the days I'm suffering but it's Day 21 up till date.
So...
I'll ensure that I recover very soon, and please I need my eye back. It's swollen for like 4 days already. It did subside a little today, but still, people who saw me, could see the swelled up eye and also together with the super heavy eye bags.
Till then and then again.
A real smile from me will not come so soon, but I will show you the smiles whenever possible.
I will cherish people whom I will have to.
"Tell me 3 words, 8 Letters, and I'll be yours"
MONSTER is here.....
navigate using the bars above. Click the PINK bar for entries.
C R U S H
by David Archuleta
I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush
'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much
Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know
Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?
See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever
Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know
Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
This crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
CRUSH!!!
potter puppet pals!
:D
P R O F I L E
me myself and i :D
BIENVENUE!
You are at MONSTER's BLOG!!!
To enter the MONSTERRICCC's WORLD...
Pursuing a Diploma of Banking and Financial Services
at Ngee Ann Polytechinc
NP strings
Year 1 student
Music fanatic
A pianist and cellist
020790
Once an Acs-ian ( arts and science student) should say a mix of both
Ex ACCO cellist. Loves her Cliques - the LMAOs(consisting for 2 NJ, 3 AC, 1 NYJ & 1 PJ)
The ACCO people
Class of TF04 in NP
Bestie - Joson
Fader turned Sand - Jackson
Girl that's always there - AnLi
and basically anyone who's always there or secretly there for me.
F I F T E E N
RANDOM FACTS
RANDOM FACTS
well, i am 18 years old, aren't i?
SPARKS OF EVIL..
This shall be left blank.
T O D O L I S T
13/10 FTT and many more?
T A G B O A R D
yakkity yak yak
RANTTSSS
10:57 pm - Sunday, September 28, 2008
9:30 pm - Friday, September 26, 2008
Jack ah Jack...
Or I should say, My Sand, my Lord sounds so much better you know??
Your girlfriend will think you're mad, since when have you been Si'En's sand?
Sounds so wrong..
Ahh... Fever's still going on and on. My right eye is like swollen into half. Jack your fault.Damn.. Someone buzz me at my phone to make me feel better?
If so, I would be really really glad, estatic.
I will wake up to thank you.
=)
A couple of my friends are at the F1 circuit now.. but I'm home.. TO REST..
Gosh.. I shall start resting to be fit for tomorrow's race and to visit oily, I know you're so lonely at home everyday. You and your cock jokes.
Till then.
Jack - I can't think of any name for myself already..
Like I dont know.
Or I should say, My Sand, my Lord sounds so much better you know??
Your girlfriend will think you're mad, since when have you been Si'En's sand?
Sounds so wrong..
Ahh... Fever's still going on and on. My right eye is like swollen into half. Jack your fault.Damn.. Someone buzz me at my phone to make me feel better?
If so, I would be really really glad, estatic.
I will wake up to thank you.
=)
A couple of my friends are at the F1 circuit now.. but I'm home.. TO REST..
Gosh.. I shall start resting to be fit for tomorrow's race and to visit oily, I know you're so lonely at home everyday. You and your cock jokes.
Till then.
Jack - I can't think of any name for myself already..
Like I dont know.
5:01 pm
I'm still sick. It's like the third day. It went up - 38 Degrees Celcius. Dang, and a day before the F1 race which I'm going for. Sighs, why???
Due to the lack of sleep, tormenting and torturing myself, crying at any point of time, not eating my meals well and almost everything that I've done to hurt myself. I do not regret, but it's a turning point I guess.
Anli and Jackson Tay have been and are still worrying about me. Their concerns are much appreciated and I cherish them a whole lot.
Am troubled and boggled by problems from many areas. It's not only my broken and already over-ed relationship, but also on stuffs like my health, my final Grade 8 exams and counting on. The one that bothers me is my clique. We do not contact that often, also due to A levels on its way, but somehow, I know you girls are there. However, the actions being shown or rather, some things that are not said, my sixth sense do tell. That's a reason why no matter what I'm facing or going through, I don't tend to tell you all. You can say I'm bringing up a brave front, maybe that's an acted one, but nevertheless, how much do you all know about me? I know you girls care, have seen some big parts of me in segments. But, ever wondered, no matter where I am, I am always there for you all? Sighs, I do not know how to continue this, shall talk about it again. I'm gonna vent it on something or someone else, maybe?
Added stuffs - will be working at Swiss Club from next month onwards, am glad that I could earn some extra cash after school hours too. Thank you Suresh for your recommendation.
F1's tonight, the ultimate and first ever night race in Singapore. I'm so proud to be a Singaporean and also that fact that I'm living here. ( though I've always wanted to migrate to let's say Aussie). Life's gotta go on, and here I am, still in my bewildered mess. I am going to clear it up and face it really soon. Maybe tonight? The next week? Or the next month? I do not know.
So here, the support from the special ones will be the ego booster for me and I will show you who's Si'En and the girl who is deemed as the special one in many, at least for you, my special friend.
P.S. My special friend has just became the sand of my life. rahhhs
xoxo
"Tell me 3 words, 8 letters, and I'll be yours"
Due to the lack of sleep, tormenting and torturing myself, crying at any point of time, not eating my meals well and almost everything that I've done to hurt myself. I do not regret, but it's a turning point I guess.
Anli and Jackson Tay have been and are still worrying about me. Their concerns are much appreciated and I cherish them a whole lot.
Am troubled and boggled by problems from many areas. It's not only my broken and already over-ed relationship, but also on stuffs like my health, my final Grade 8 exams and counting on. The one that bothers me is my clique. We do not contact that often, also due to A levels on its way, but somehow, I know you girls are there. However, the actions being shown or rather, some things that are not said, my sixth sense do tell. That's a reason why no matter what I'm facing or going through, I don't tend to tell you all. You can say I'm bringing up a brave front, maybe that's an acted one, but nevertheless, how much do you all know about me? I know you girls care, have seen some big parts of me in segments. But, ever wondered, no matter where I am, I am always there for you all? Sighs, I do not know how to continue this, shall talk about it again. I'm gonna vent it on something or someone else, maybe?
Added stuffs - will be working at Swiss Club from next month onwards, am glad that I could earn some extra cash after school hours too. Thank you Suresh for your recommendation.
F1's tonight, the ultimate and first ever night race in Singapore. I'm so proud to be a Singaporean and also that fact that I'm living here. ( though I've always wanted to migrate to let's say Aussie). Life's gotta go on, and here I am, still in my bewildered mess. I am going to clear it up and face it really soon. Maybe tonight? The next week? Or the next month? I do not know.
So here, the support from the special ones will be the ego booster for me and I will show you who's Si'En and the girl who is deemed as the special one in many, at least for you, my special friend.
P.S. My special friend has just became the sand of my life. rahhhs
xoxo
"Tell me 3 words, 8 letters, and I'll be yours"
12:41 pm - Thursday, September 25, 2008
Sighs.. I seriously don't know what you guys want with me or out of me and how you guys are thinking. Could or can you guys just tell me directly what you all are thinking about?
Maybe I'm putting too much thoughts into it, maybe I'm not?
Jack - You set me thinking, once again. No wonder you're that special one. *tsktsk*
Often talks to me in a ji pua ji pua manner (neither here nor there or everywhere) in hokkien. Haiyo. I'm speechless.
I shall stand firm and will never be swayed, dude I definitely will ok.
And as promised, no more tears for 2 weeks? I will try to accomplish it and then cry later on. You expected that coming I guess?
Am seriously ill now, with fever of 37.7 degrees celcius, amazingly I'm at work. Enduring the super duper cold air-conditioning, I'm shivering a whole lot, yet I gotta tell myself I can pull through. My right eye is also swollen like some cock. Ahh.. First, it's panda eye, followed by super heavy eye bags that makes me look like a joop. oh well oh well, that's my life and so it's me - the MONSTER. Gastric's coming back, it has, oh nooooo.. My body's breaking down slowly..
Let me see for tonight, what will happen...
Anw, dude, enjoy your festive wedding dinner tonight, don't emo about it because someone can't attend it with you. There will be future and many opportunities.
And by the way, what green light you've given me? Your nonsense once again.
Anli - I'm so glad you're back even if it's a short period of a couple of days. Have fun dolling up with your new haircut. I wanna see it!
Quite a number of friends, or even my past ( ex-bfs) has told me before, a point taken. Their parents especially their Mums' have a good impression of me. So what's so good about me? Some said it's because they wish to have a daughter like me and all sorts, what kind of bullshit. Maybe I just treat their sons too well I guess. Self-praise!! hahas.
Some, like someone's mum, had some funny thought about me. Only seen me like twice and it's been in her mind? It's quite long ago already. you know who i'm talking about. No. Maybe you don't. Eh, I'm innocent and there's nothing ok? Then someone said, you know, sadly my mum had a much deeper impression of you? huh??? nonsense.
Standing firm...
Day 18..
What's that special quality that I have in me?
"Tell me 3 words, 8 letters, and I'll be yours"
Maybe I'm putting too much thoughts into it, maybe I'm not?
Jack - You set me thinking, once again. No wonder you're that special one. *tsktsk*
Often talks to me in a ji pua ji pua manner (neither here nor there or everywhere) in hokkien. Haiyo. I'm speechless.
I shall stand firm and will never be swayed, dude I definitely will ok.
And as promised, no more tears for 2 weeks? I will try to accomplish it and then cry later on. You expected that coming I guess?
Am seriously ill now, with fever of 37.7 degrees celcius, amazingly I'm at work. Enduring the super duper cold air-conditioning, I'm shivering a whole lot, yet I gotta tell myself I can pull through. My right eye is also swollen like some cock. Ahh.. First, it's panda eye, followed by super heavy eye bags that makes me look like a joop. oh well oh well, that's my life and so it's me - the MONSTER. Gastric's coming back, it has, oh nooooo.. My body's breaking down slowly..
Let me see for tonight, what will happen...
Anw, dude, enjoy your festive wedding dinner tonight, don't emo about it because someone can't attend it with you. There will be future and many opportunities.
And by the way, what green light you've given me? Your nonsense once again.
Anli - I'm so glad you're back even if it's a short period of a couple of days. Have fun dolling up with your new haircut. I wanna see it!
Quite a number of friends, or even my past ( ex-bfs) has told me before, a point taken. Their parents especially their Mums' have a good impression of me. So what's so good about me? Some said it's because they wish to have a daughter like me and all sorts, what kind of bullshit. Maybe I just treat their sons too well I guess. Self-praise!! hahas.
Some, like someone's mum, had some funny thought about me. Only seen me like twice and it's been in her mind? It's quite long ago already. you know who i'm talking about. No. Maybe you don't. Eh, I'm innocent and there's nothing ok? Then someone said, you know, sadly my mum had a much deeper impression of you? huh??? nonsense.
Standing firm...
Day 18..
What's that special quality that I have in me?
"Tell me 3 words, 8 letters, and I'll be yours"
10:36 pm - Wednesday, September 24, 2008
It's Day 17 dang. I wonder why, but amazingly, I didn't count.
Shall just do a little update because I'm really strucked down with weaknesses already - which is being sick. I felt really terrible, couldn't really eat well, breathe, it's more of like, too weak to even think or move. It felt like my body is tearing apart so so soon.
Sighs..
My life's so interesting yet not so interesting. I think someone has made it so interesting that he's gone gaga over it. Right dude?? Sharing the same name, no wonder behaving the same. Point to note: I've got nothing to do with anyone: any guys right now. Dang. Why must you link and talk about those funny stuffs? -.- Not in the mood to you know, ya. You know!!! I'm still in that very bad state... Oh wells.
A line from my previous entry:
"Only certain few will know the wonderful r/s we had. haha."
Alrights. It can be misleading as suggested. So yea, there's nothing going on in between us ever since day 1 we knew each other. The kind of r/s that we are still having right now, not had, is just unexplainable. hahas. All I know is, we know it best ourselves and it's certain few and they are those who don't need explanations but know what is really going on. Yeps.
Here are some pictures:
It's me & Jackson Toh's cap. Not that special one. Don't get me wrong.
Ben and Jerry's - Double cookie chocolate cream i suppose?
Nachos from B&J too. With the toppings -Cheese and jalapenos.
Am forced to finish this mess by him you know? But I didn't.
From Ice Monster: Durian & Mango Shaved Ice. Yummy
The game at all arcades - Basketball, the score with the help of my extraordinary friend. I can't use the word special, your good idea...
I'm that down.
Cookies from Jack - this is the special one, yea. Rated 7.5/10 =)
Thank you dude, you can give me more. hahaa
Has been telling my special extraordinary friend about the stuffs that happened to me. I didn't cry for 4 days already. So.. still trying to move on. Stuffs that some people are telling me, I chose not to bother at the moment. Wait till then, if a guy would really........
Only you know...
Till then and only then..
"Tell me 3 words, 8 letters, and I'll be yours"
Shall just do a little update because I'm really strucked down with weaknesses already - which is being sick. I felt really terrible, couldn't really eat well, breathe, it's more of like, too weak to even think or move. It felt like my body is tearing apart so so soon.
Sighs..
My life's so interesting yet not so interesting. I think someone has made it so interesting that he's gone gaga over it. Right dude?? Sharing the same name, no wonder behaving the same. Point to note: I've got nothing to do with anyone: any guys right now. Dang. Why must you link and talk about those funny stuffs? -.- Not in the mood to you know, ya. You know!!! I'm still in that very bad state... Oh wells.
A line from my previous entry:
"Only certain few will know the wonderful r/s we had. haha."
Alrights. It can be misleading as suggested. So yea, there's nothing going on in between us ever since day 1 we knew each other. The kind of r/s that we are still having right now, not had, is just unexplainable. hahas. All I know is, we know it best ourselves and it's certain few and they are those who don't need explanations but know what is really going on. Yeps.
Here are some pictures:
It's me & Jackson Toh's cap. Not that special one. Don't get me wrong.
Ben and Jerry's - Double cookie chocolate cream i suppose?
Nachos from B&J too. With the toppings -Cheese and jalapenos.
Am forced to finish this mess by him you know? But I didn't.
From Ice Monster: Durian & Mango Shaved Ice. Yummy
The game at all arcades - Basketball, the score with the help of my extraordinary friend. I can't use the word special, your good idea...
I'm that down.
Cookies from Jack - this is the special one, yea. Rated 7.5/10 =)
Thank you dude, you can give me more. hahaa
Has been telling my special extraordinary friend about the stuffs that happened to me. I didn't cry for 4 days already. So.. still trying to move on. Stuffs that some people are telling me, I chose not to bother at the moment. Wait till then, if a guy would really........
Only you know...
Till then and only then..
"Tell me 3 words, 8 letters, and I'll be yours"
4:26 pm - Monday, September 22, 2008
WOAH!
It's just very random of me, yet, not very random too. Should I say that I'm on a high or towards the roller coaster ride again.? Or..Living in a world of darkness but am trying to find the path of light?
I wonder. But nevertheless, it's still me. I don't change. I stand firm and I do know or rather, close ones knows that I'm not alright, and will never be healed so soon. You guys know me too well, I'm so touched and amazed about the kind of friends that I really had.
Yes.. Cookies from special - Jack, I shall rate it 7.5/10. It seems that this time it has some kind of weird lemony and bitter burnt taste, but it's delicious. *winks*
Your enhanced recipe ain't that bad. Cool, I should say.
It's sort of a woo ha now.
Shall reply to my tags:
Anli - I know you meant well and am really thankful for this period, will drop you a call anytime soon 24/7. hahs. Loves
Baoying - girl, you're so sweet that I couldn't start to munch you. hahas. gross! anw, yea we're in the same class and you may or may not see the madness in me anymore. My down period is up now, sadly. So don't miss the old times of me. hehs. Thanks girl for your listening ear and support too. I won't be misled by the stories. No worries. I hope I do feel better each day too. I will try my very best. Love you too. =)
Jack - What eek? and what due time? hahas. You can't escape ok! And of course, I agree almost more than half of it for your reply to passerby, it is like really the end of my world. If not, why would I be in such a state now? I wouldn't be so if it didn't hurt of impacted me much I should say. The eyes.. told you, I don't mind it popping out, biongs!!! and I will try ok.. This time, this promise is kind of hard. I can't promise this to anyone to you or whoever, you know ah. lols.
Passerby -
Tag 1: get a grip of myself, just because it's only a r/s? I do agree with that, like without a r/s, you wouldn't die or can't carry on with your life. But, did you ever think, if you were the one facing the reality I am encountering? Maybe or maybe not, you can carry on eventfully in a nick of time, but the scars will still remain and it can never be mended. In any case, you weren't the one experiencing what I'm facing, so yea, you wouldn't know how it feels in some sense.
Tag 2: Of course, he would want or chose to defend me that's because he's my special friend and in many cases, no one actually does understand the kind of r/s that we have. It's not some kind of platonic, oh please. He doesn't and has never had anything in mind with me right from the start. I guess you should understand the situation at the very least? and in fact, in any case, he will be defending, supporting of opposing me when deemed to be rightful. So it's not only during such a period that he will be there for me. He's always there. Lines are drawn but maybe it seems to everyone that it's not. Only certain few will know the wonderful r/s we had. haha.
Crius - what an interesting name. =) oh wells, I will take good care of my health as much as I can and want to, but some circumstances would hinder me to do so. No worries about me.Will stay happy and it's almost impossible to not think about it. I did try my ultimate best doing many other stuffs and so on. It will come back to me somehow.
It's just very random of me, yet, not very random too. Should I say that I'm on a high or towards the roller coaster ride again.? Or..Living in a world of darkness but am trying to find the path of light?
I wonder. But nevertheless, it's still me. I don't change. I stand firm and I do know or rather, close ones knows that I'm not alright, and will never be healed so soon. You guys know me too well, I'm so touched and amazed about the kind of friends that I really had.
Yes.. Cookies from special - Jack, I shall rate it 7.5/10. It seems that this time it has some kind of weird lemony and bitter burnt taste, but it's delicious. *winks*
Your enhanced recipe ain't that bad. Cool, I should say.
It's sort of a woo ha now.
Shall reply to my tags:
Anli - I know you meant well and am really thankful for this period, will drop you a call anytime soon 24/7. hahs. Loves
Baoying - girl, you're so sweet that I couldn't start to munch you. hahas. gross! anw, yea we're in the same class and you may or may not see the madness in me anymore. My down period is up now, sadly. So don't miss the old times of me. hehs. Thanks girl for your listening ear and support too. I won't be misled by the stories. No worries. I hope I do feel better each day too. I will try my very best. Love you too. =)
Jack - What eek? and what due time? hahas. You can't escape ok! And of course, I agree almost more than half of it for your reply to passerby, it is like really the end of my world. If not, why would I be in such a state now? I wouldn't be so if it didn't hurt of impacted me much I should say. The eyes.. told you, I don't mind it popping out, biongs!!! and I will try ok.. This time, this promise is kind of hard. I can't promise this to anyone to you or whoever, you know ah. lols.
Passerby -
Tag 1: get a grip of myself, just because it's only a r/s? I do agree with that, like without a r/s, you wouldn't die or can't carry on with your life. But, did you ever think, if you were the one facing the reality I am encountering? Maybe or maybe not, you can carry on eventfully in a nick of time, but the scars will still remain and it can never be mended. In any case, you weren't the one experiencing what I'm facing, so yea, you wouldn't know how it feels in some sense.
Tag 2: Of course, he would want or chose to defend me that's because he's my special friend and in many cases, no one actually does understand the kind of r/s that we have. It's not some kind of platonic, oh please. He doesn't and has never had anything in mind with me right from the start. I guess you should understand the situation at the very least? and in fact, in any case, he will be defending, supporting of opposing me when deemed to be rightful. So it's not only during such a period that he will be there for me. He's always there. Lines are drawn but maybe it seems to everyone that it's not. Only certain few will know the wonderful r/s we had. haha.
Crius - what an interesting name. =) oh wells, I will take good care of my health as much as I can and want to, but some circumstances would hinder me to do so. No worries about me.Will stay happy and it's almost impossible to not think about it. I did try my ultimate best doing many other stuffs and so on. It will come back to me somehow.
12:16 am
Was out with my special best friend. His aim: To tire me out in whatever way he deemed.. But... It sort of failed? He admitted it too.
Went to eat at Ice Monster at Plaza Singapura. It's really cool, because it's just MONSTER!
Nice dessert - Mango and Durian ice.. Delicious. Pictures will be uploaded with the stuffs that I've eaten recently and of course they've savoury. Oh gawd!!!
Then went to do the usual energy spicing kind of stuff - the arcade: basketball.
It did exhaust my muscles a little, but not a lot.
My mind's wandering around and I thought I wouldn't tear or cry today. That's also because my special friend is there with me. But nevertheless, I'm just trying to put a strong front anywhere and everywhere I go.
However...
I cried and yes, Jack ah. You are... I'm speechless. You're just way too nice. But I thank you for that too. Sighs. How I wish I have 365 days just to cry and do nothing.
A phrase that will be left in my mind and always:
Tell me three words, eight letters and I'll be yours.
Sounds familiar?
Ahhh.. yes, it is from Gossip Girl Season 2 episode 1. When Blair told this to Chuck Bass. A playboy yet, is stumbled upon such a question. Salutes, this shows how much he loves Blair? Hmmm maybe.. The story still continues on. It's interesting. hahas. Am kind of shocked that guys do watch this US drama series too. Cheers to it.
Anyone who tells me that.. Hmm. I shall see when that will happen..
Till then, it's Day 15. Subconsciously I'm counting. Amazingly.
Went to eat at Ice Monster at Plaza Singapura. It's really cool, because it's just MONSTER!
Nice dessert - Mango and Durian ice.. Delicious. Pictures will be uploaded with the stuffs that I've eaten recently and of course they've savoury. Oh gawd!!!
Then went to do the usual energy spicing kind of stuff - the arcade: basketball.
It did exhaust my muscles a little, but not a lot.
My mind's wandering around and I thought I wouldn't tear or cry today. That's also because my special friend is there with me. But nevertheless, I'm just trying to put a strong front anywhere and everywhere I go.
However...
I cried and yes, Jack ah. You are... I'm speechless. You're just way too nice. But I thank you for that too. Sighs. How I wish I have 365 days just to cry and do nothing.
A phrase that will be left in my mind and always:
Tell me three words, eight letters and I'll be yours.
Sounds familiar?
Ahhh.. yes, it is from Gossip Girl Season 2 episode 1. When Blair told this to Chuck Bass. A playboy yet, is stumbled upon such a question. Salutes, this shows how much he loves Blair? Hmmm maybe.. The story still continues on. It's interesting. hahas. Am kind of shocked that guys do watch this US drama series too. Cheers to it.
Anyone who tells me that.. Hmm. I shall see when that will happen..
Till then, it's Day 15. Subconsciously I'm counting. Amazingly.
1:22 am - Sunday, September 21, 2008
Went to Dempsey Hill - Ben and Jerry's. A hot and humid Saturday. Had some catching up again with my senior. Didn't eat my lunch but just had double scooped cookie ice cream tbat I bought and a little of the Nachos which he actually forced me to eat. So we chilled and basically it's just having a laid back Sat.
Then... Time to go home and in the cab.
I broke down. And this time in front of Jackson Toh. Unglamarous of me again.
He told me I would be alright and everything will be over soon. Sighs, will it be?
Thanks for the past 2 days, some comfort and also for sending me home real early, asking me to rest.
Reached home, was a little better.
However, I couldn't stop myself from the agony i'm facing again.
So...
Tears rolled down and then it started all over again.
Till then, Day 14.
it's just really bad.
Then... Time to go home and in the cab.
I broke down. And this time in front of Jackson Toh. Unglamarous of me again.
He told me I would be alright and everything will be over soon. Sighs, will it be?
Thanks for the past 2 days, some comfort and also for sending me home real early, asking me to rest.
Reached home, was a little better.
However, I couldn't stop myself from the agony i'm facing again.
So...
Tears rolled down and then it started all over again.
Till then, Day 14.
it's just really bad.
10:10 pm - Wednesday, September 17, 2008
A few words to describe my day: Insanity and torments. Torturing myself without noticing that it had already happened.
My special friend - Jackson, he was telling me that I've been torturing myself. Actually I didn't feel so, maybe I did, or somehow I'm just numbed to everything already. I've been very very exhausted recently, having late nights, not being able to sleep well and of course waking up early which I dread, just to go for work. The 8-5 kind of job, it's pathetic for me. Somehow, I did succumb it although I do feel sleepy at times. Work is a place where I can put everything to a seizure, but it goes back to square one after that. Me, not being able to face reality had came to a point where I have no interest in almost everything. I seem to be alright on the surface, however, my heart is still going round in circles. Contradictary, I felt that it is just not myself anymore. So Jack, you're right. I can't deny in a way that I've been in a helpless state. I bet he's the one who had seen me in a horrible state, minus being a drunkard. I can't afford to let him see that and of course he wouldn't allow it to happen. The same goes to my dearest senior, Anli, she plays almost the same role as him, just that she's in aussie currently.
Amazingly, I couldn't feel the agony in me ever since Sunday. It must have been buried somewhere in me. Where has it gone to? Whatever Anli and Jack had told me, it inflicts a sense of remorse for my behaviours. However, I do argue on the other end that if I don't behave according to my feelings, I will be bringing much more scars to myself. I dont't know how to stop myself from everything. I'm never in control or maybe I am, but a failed one.
Questions that I've thought about and was being questioned:
1. Is he the right guy for you?
2. Is he worthy enough for your tears and reactions ( my rebellious behaviour)?
3. What's so great about him that you've to receive such torments?
You told me, to never ever contact you ever since Friday. Of course I do want to contact him, but it's because of that, or ever since the breakup, I forced myself from contacting him. It's pretty hard, and what I saw today, it gave me a shock. I am speechless, and am left in a 50/50 state of turmoil again. I yearn to contact him, but the lines being told to me flashed back again. What am I supposed to do next? I tried to ignore all facts, I have to leave it unexplained.
Someone, guide me. Tell me. Carve the path for me and lead me. Am I facing reality right now?
Has reality slapped me?
Am I running and avoiding the truths in my life?
My stomach and gastric problems seem to come back. Health's not very good too, exhaustion sets in but with my somehow limiting strength, it pulled me through till I had to fall flat. Glad that Baoying is there for me yesterday. Ate Fish & Co and ended up forcing myself to finish my meal, it's like a way for de-stress. Bought a top - a blouse together with her, it looks smart, sexy and stylish. We have a good taste, isn't it?
Tortures are inevitable.
Day 10, how much more to go?
Replies to my tag:
Jack - Thanks for your cookies. Hmmm, so I should say, it will definitely have a different taste from last Christmas I guess? Am anticipating for it. Thanks for cheering me up, but I couldn't really bring myself to it.
Marcus - I will try my very best to overcome the whirlpool of happenings lately. Am quite lucky it happened during the hols, if not, I bet I would be much worst in a manner. I will pour my sorrows to you and the close ones in TF01. No worries. Am glad that you guys are always around.
Passerby - I guess I do need help, but I don't need it too. What more could I ask from myself or even him?
Leenx - Jack hasn't intro me to you. Kind of slow of him. I think he doesn't want to affect me since I'm seriously in my downs. Thanks for your concerns too. You 2 stay happy. =D I will be fine. So no worries. Although it's just too early to say that...
My special friend - Jackson, he was telling me that I've been torturing myself. Actually I didn't feel so, maybe I did, or somehow I'm just numbed to everything already. I've been very very exhausted recently, having late nights, not being able to sleep well and of course waking up early which I dread, just to go for work. The 8-5 kind of job, it's pathetic for me. Somehow, I did succumb it although I do feel sleepy at times. Work is a place where I can put everything to a seizure, but it goes back to square one after that. Me, not being able to face reality had came to a point where I have no interest in almost everything. I seem to be alright on the surface, however, my heart is still going round in circles. Contradictary, I felt that it is just not myself anymore. So Jack, you're right. I can't deny in a way that I've been in a helpless state. I bet he's the one who had seen me in a horrible state, minus being a drunkard. I can't afford to let him see that and of course he wouldn't allow it to happen. The same goes to my dearest senior, Anli, she plays almost the same role as him, just that she's in aussie currently.
Amazingly, I couldn't feel the agony in me ever since Sunday. It must have been buried somewhere in me. Where has it gone to? Whatever Anli and Jack had told me, it inflicts a sense of remorse for my behaviours. However, I do argue on the other end that if I don't behave according to my feelings, I will be bringing much more scars to myself. I dont't know how to stop myself from everything. I'm never in control or maybe I am, but a failed one.
Questions that I've thought about and was being questioned:
1. Is he the right guy for you?
2. Is he worthy enough for your tears and reactions ( my rebellious behaviour)?
3. What's so great about him that you've to receive such torments?
You told me, to never ever contact you ever since Friday. Of course I do want to contact him, but it's because of that, or ever since the breakup, I forced myself from contacting him. It's pretty hard, and what I saw today, it gave me a shock. I am speechless, and am left in a 50/50 state of turmoil again. I yearn to contact him, but the lines being told to me flashed back again. What am I supposed to do next? I tried to ignore all facts, I have to leave it unexplained.
Someone, guide me. Tell me. Carve the path for me and lead me. Am I facing reality right now?
Has reality slapped me?
Am I running and avoiding the truths in my life?
My stomach and gastric problems seem to come back. Health's not very good too, exhaustion sets in but with my somehow limiting strength, it pulled me through till I had to fall flat. Glad that Baoying is there for me yesterday. Ate Fish & Co and ended up forcing myself to finish my meal, it's like a way for de-stress. Bought a top - a blouse together with her, it looks smart, sexy and stylish. We have a good taste, isn't it?
Tortures are inevitable.
Day 10, how much more to go?
Replies to my tag:
Jack - Thanks for your cookies. Hmmm, so I should say, it will definitely have a different taste from last Christmas I guess? Am anticipating for it. Thanks for cheering me up, but I couldn't really bring myself to it.
Marcus - I will try my very best to overcome the whirlpool of happenings lately. Am quite lucky it happened during the hols, if not, I bet I would be much worst in a manner. I will pour my sorrows to you and the close ones in TF01. No worries. Am glad that you guys are always around.
Passerby - I guess I do need help, but I don't need it too. What more could I ask from myself or even him?
Leenx - Jack hasn't intro me to you. Kind of slow of him. I think he doesn't want to affect me since I'm seriously in my downs. Thanks for your concerns too. You 2 stay happy. =D I will be fine. So no worries. Although it's just too early to say that...
5:12 pm - Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I can't deny that I still do think about the unncessary stuffs in my life, that'll never ever happen in my life again. Well, it's part and parcel of life and I have to live with it. It is really hard to overcome such circumstances but what else more could I do?
Issues that matters the heart are always complicated and devilish.
I feel very blessed to have great friends around me and they're of course, my good and best friends. Friends who are worthy are hard to come by. And, it happened so that I have them as a part of my life, I could say.
Results came out, not a very ideal GPA though. But comparable to many actually. I've set high standards for myself but yet it's still unachieved. But I couldn't have gotten such results without the help and motivation of my wonderful friends. Shall not name. You know who you are.
I've been wondering around, everywhere and also not working hard enough but relying on last minute rush of knowledge. I will work towards my goals for the next semester and of course to set my priorities right. Time to choose timetables and my clique is super screwed into thinking of which to choose out of the 5. We will and shall never part.
Meeting Baoying (my baobao) later on. Some crazy girl in my life.
Few minutes before I head off from work and it's just another day for me.
Day 9 I should say and am overcoming the struggles slowly.
Issues that matters the heart are always complicated and devilish.
I feel very blessed to have great friends around me and they're of course, my good and best friends. Friends who are worthy are hard to come by. And, it happened so that I have them as a part of my life, I could say.
Results came out, not a very ideal GPA though. But comparable to many actually. I've set high standards for myself but yet it's still unachieved. But I couldn't have gotten such results without the help and motivation of my wonderful friends. Shall not name. You know who you are.
I've been wondering around, everywhere and also not working hard enough but relying on last minute rush of knowledge. I will work towards my goals for the next semester and of course to set my priorities right. Time to choose timetables and my clique is super screwed into thinking of which to choose out of the 5. We will and shall never part.
Meeting Baoying (my baobao) later on. Some crazy girl in my life.
Few minutes before I head off from work and it's just another day for me.
Day 9 I should say and am overcoming the struggles slowly.
7:22 pm - Sunday, September 14, 2008
Sometimes being alone is a good thing, but I doubt so, it'll set you thinking on and on. Being wild I guess. Such processess will continue on its way and soon enough, you'll lock yourself up and show no interest in everything.
So adding on and to update, I've just reached home and that's less than 24hours ever since 8pm yesterday. I will be safe, till then, but no guarantees. I hurt myself and I love the process of it. No, actually I don't. I drank again, in shots this time round. And yes, dang, came home to get some fucking hell screwed out of me. So it's obviously good that I were to never ever come back home again right? How I wish I could, but I couldn't right now.
Here's my reason: I have no clothes, no place to stay, simply put, who will want to keep me for quite some time? That's why I gotta come home first. If not I would, no, I will get out of everyone's life.
I will, no one's forcing me to. I'm going away on my own accord.
Jackson and Anli - I may and will MIA for quite some time. You guys can reach me at any time but I may not be available.
Baoying - Am glad that you will meet me everyday. Starting from tomorrow. I don't wish to be alone every moment.
Get me somewhere please. I'm a nobody now, of no where to go, stranded in a faraway land which I couldn't resolve and get out of it.
Someone, if possible, save me from the agony and countless piercings that I'm going through right now.
I wish I can disappear right now and yes it's now....
Dya 7 and still it's gonna continue...
So adding on and to update, I've just reached home and that's less than 24hours ever since 8pm yesterday. I will be safe, till then, but no guarantees. I hurt myself and I love the process of it. No, actually I don't. I drank again, in shots this time round. And yes, dang, came home to get some fucking hell screwed out of me. So it's obviously good that I were to never ever come back home again right? How I wish I could, but I couldn't right now.
Here's my reason: I have no clothes, no place to stay, simply put, who will want to keep me for quite some time? That's why I gotta come home first. If not I would, no, I will get out of everyone's life.
I will, no one's forcing me to. I'm going away on my own accord.
Jackson and Anli - I may and will MIA for quite some time. You guys can reach me at any time but I may not be available.
Baoying - Am glad that you will meet me everyday. Starting from tomorrow. I don't wish to be alone every moment.
Get me somewhere please. I'm a nobody now, of no where to go, stranded in a faraway land which I couldn't resolve and get out of it.
Someone, if possible, save me from the agony and countless piercings that I'm going through right now.
I wish I can disappear right now and yes it's now....
Dya 7 and still it's gonna continue...
1:49 pm - Saturday, September 13, 2008
Anli - If you do get to see this. Just wanna tell you that I reached home at 6.30am. I'm safe. Don't worry ok. I've sent an sms to you. Wonder if you did receive. So sorry for letting you call me again. It's very expensive. I will motivate myself to forget him alright? I can't guarantee that I wouldn't hurt myself but I won't poison myself again.
I'm deeply hurt three sixty. It's unbearable and I know there's also faults from me that created this, but there are some stuffs that I didn't tell anyone about the hurt he had done to me. No point too, like how I wanna tell him too. So as told, even if you so wanna patch back, but he had already made his point clear and he doesn't want to listen to you anymore, don't try to explain whatever that has left. There's no point. I see that, and it hurts again.
Too many things to say, thank you Jack. I wouldn't distant or create a barrier with you. Sorry if I ever did.
Jack told me stuffs which I knew that's why he had faded out before,
so here it is: you were irritating, pisses people off, don't put your message across easily, don't get what people are trying to tell you when it's so obvious, have no thought of the feelings of others, although you don't mean to for all of that like seriously, but there's one big special quality that I see in you. Is that what you told some people?? Wonder if it's true...Till the day a guy who sees that, he'll be the guy that you will be with. Although telling me bout the future guy thing doesn't really help. Told you I'll be single already, believe me. ahhh.. SO what's that?? I really wonder. Sorry if i cried a lot but you said I have to. Unglamarous again. The deal is, if I have seriously gotten over him and felt nothing the next time, he will give me the answer because it's a whole lot. ??????? That's the motivation that I have to work towards to. Sighs. I will try. Because he has already forgotten about us what, so I should do the same too, and to get backlashing from him again, when I've already told him on the phone. That's when I called you alright which made me wanna call you. That's not what I said after the phone thing. WTH.
To add on - he told me some stuffs about titan which will happen but I should not worry too much about him. He knows I will in time to come. dang ok. shall not. I will start worrying about myself, my health and before school starts.
Please don't tear or cry. Just read your blog. You're fast at posting. Your blog made me cry. My heart would ache too. And many people will. My posts at my blog ain't that of an effect. No one would feel that same way as me. I will cry in the rain as recommended by you. I will do that.
It's only Day 6 and I wouldn't know how much I have to endure. It's terrible. The only thing to do is if I could MIA right now...
I'm deeply hurt three sixty. It's unbearable and I know there's also faults from me that created this, but there are some stuffs that I didn't tell anyone about the hurt he had done to me. No point too, like how I wanna tell him too. So as told, even if you so wanna patch back, but he had already made his point clear and he doesn't want to listen to you anymore, don't try to explain whatever that has left. There's no point. I see that, and it hurts again.
Too many things to say, thank you Jack. I wouldn't distant or create a barrier with you. Sorry if I ever did.
Jack told me stuffs which I knew that's why he had faded out before,
so here it is: you were irritating, pisses people off, don't put your message across easily, don't get what people are trying to tell you when it's so obvious, have no thought of the feelings of others, although you don't mean to for all of that like seriously, but there's one big special quality that I see in you. Is that what you told some people?? Wonder if it's true...Till the day a guy who sees that, he'll be the guy that you will be with. Although telling me bout the future guy thing doesn't really help. Told you I'll be single already, believe me. ahhh.. SO what's that?? I really wonder. Sorry if i cried a lot but you said I have to. Unglamarous again. The deal is, if I have seriously gotten over him and felt nothing the next time, he will give me the answer because it's a whole lot. ??????? That's the motivation that I have to work towards to. Sighs. I will try. Because he has already forgotten about us what, so I should do the same too, and to get backlashing from him again, when I've already told him on the phone. That's when I called you alright which made me wanna call you. That's not what I said after the phone thing. WTH.
To add on - he told me some stuffs about titan which will happen but I should not worry too much about him. He knows I will in time to come. dang ok. shall not. I will start worrying about myself, my health and before school starts.
Please don't tear or cry. Just read your blog. You're fast at posting. Your blog made me cry. My heart would ache too. And many people will. My posts at my blog ain't that of an effect. No one would feel that same way as me. I will cry in the rain as recommended by you. I will do that.
It's only Day 6 and I wouldn't know how much I have to endure. It's terrible. The only thing to do is if I could MIA right now...
4:55 pm - Friday, September 12, 2008
What should I say about my day when it's TGIF?
I should say it's kinda boring at work, my task ever since the past week was to key in datas. The good point of it was it improves and speeds up my typing. Actually not really, but in a manner, yes! Am on a diet and also saving up my money since the amount left for me is kind of mediocre for now. It's spent on alcohol, driving and other miscellaneous expenses that I have. Gotta be a little thrifty to do some shopping.
I wanted to meet him, but it seems that I can't for today. Anyway, a note for you. If you really need someone and there's no one there to listen to your sorrows, I will be here. No worries.
Work's gonna end for today and it will be a cycle again on Monday.
I will continue to divert my attention everywhere and it's really great to have 2 very good buddies, I do see them as my brother and sister. You should know who you are. The 2 mysterious yet happening people. Thank you and with lotsa love. You guys are filled with love for the moment too. Elated for you two.
So... What's up next?
A shopping spree or window shopping with my beloved Baoying?
It depends on my mood too.
Grandma's birthday tomorrow and a House-warming session to attend.
1. Mooncake/Lantern Festival is on Sunday, celebrations will be this sat and sunday.
Sit back and relax in a garden of yours and look up into the sky. Tasting the sweetness of the mooncake with a sip of the chinese tea.
2. Porsche Night @ OOSH which is at Dempsey Road tonight. How cool it is. Do join the fun if you are to dine there.
It will be an ideal weekend for almost all of you. Enjoy, everyone!
I shall not blog about my broken heart or sad moments all the time. I hope that this is sort of a good beginning to start with. But spare me if I were to have dark moments again.
It's not as easy as it seems, being on your own and the decisions lies with you.
I need the courage and the perserverance to lead on...
I should say it's kinda boring at work, my task ever since the past week was to key in datas. The good point of it was it improves and speeds up my typing. Actually not really, but in a manner, yes! Am on a diet and also saving up my money since the amount left for me is kind of mediocre for now. It's spent on alcohol, driving and other miscellaneous expenses that I have. Gotta be a little thrifty to do some shopping.
I wanted to meet him, but it seems that I can't for today. Anyway, a note for you. If you really need someone and there's no one there to listen to your sorrows, I will be here. No worries.
Work's gonna end for today and it will be a cycle again on Monday.
I will continue to divert my attention everywhere and it's really great to have 2 very good buddies, I do see them as my brother and sister. You should know who you are. The 2 mysterious yet happening people. Thank you and with lotsa love. You guys are filled with love for the moment too. Elated for you two.
So... What's up next?
A shopping spree or window shopping with my beloved Baoying?
It depends on my mood too.
Grandma's birthday tomorrow and a House-warming session to attend.
1. Mooncake/Lantern Festival is on Sunday, celebrations will be this sat and sunday.
Sit back and relax in a garden of yours and look up into the sky. Tasting the sweetness of the mooncake with a sip of the chinese tea.
2. Porsche Night @ OOSH which is at Dempsey Road tonight. How cool it is. Do join the fun if you are to dine there.
It will be an ideal weekend for almost all of you. Enjoy, everyone!
I shall not blog about my broken heart or sad moments all the time. I hope that this is sort of a good beginning to start with. But spare me if I were to have dark moments again.
It's not as easy as it seems, being on your own and the decisions lies with you.
I need the courage and the perserverance to lead on...
3:04 pm - Thursday, September 11, 2008
Alrights. My night yesterday was quite of a havoc. Indeed!
Suresh and yishu accompanied me to drink at Holland Village. Thanks dudes.
Suresh also did listen to my sorrows, I was like telling him that I'm that a lousy friend or girlfriend to anyone. He did try to cheer me on, but it's kind of hard with me pouring all over. But it was still helpful in a manner with him telling me some stuffs that I would want to hear.
Many people buzzed my phone. Spammed me and all sorts. They were all really and seriously worried about me. Especially when I didn't answer their calls it became worst.
A sudden thought came to my mind: Why are they all calling at this time? Or did they have a hunch that I wasn't alright?
These are the people who called and msg-ed me profusely:
Jackson, Shawn, Michael ( another michael friend of mine), Timothy, Anli, Alicia, Cheryl.
Didn't want to bother my special friend. But still, I did tell him that I was out drinking at which place and will be out till late of course. He buzzed me quite a lot, and with me not answering, it's much worst. He was really worried, and wanted to cab down to send me home. But finally my friend Timothy drove me home so he didn't have to cab down to find me. Thanks a lot dude. I really owe you a lot ever since the first day I knew you. That's what I've felt all along. Very hard to explain but I do treasure the friendship we had.
Thanks to Timothy, he spotted me at Holland Village. I didn't realise you're there dude. He's kind of shocked why I was there drinking. He knew something must be up. Am glad you didn't leave although you wanted to. So you waited at the carpark and knew that I needed your ride home? Although I said bring me to powerhouse and you said I'm crazy. That's really nice of you to wait for me and the for the safe ride home. And you're like si'en ah x2, what's up with you, come on, you shouldn't be in such a state. Upon hearing, it made me worst, waterfall all the way.
Was supposed to go to powerhouse to meet the girls, but I ended up puking. I didn't drink much, I know too, I drank really fast, I gulped the glasses that I have. So yea, my friends stopped me from going and I was crying to cheryl at that time. Explaining why I can't appear there. Thanks to everyone who were there for me. I'm seriously grateful for that.
My dearest did call too. Quite expensive for her. I will call you again, but you better pick up this time. You do know my efforts! heh heh. After reading my post you should know I'm drunk earlier this morning. And yes, Jack actually did reply your tag at his blog. Do read it. Am so touched. You 2 are always there for me.
Sorry peeps for leaving all of you ups and downs for me. I will be fine, although it is something to prevent you all from worrying about me, but I gotta do so. If not, you all will still worry. So please don't. I will settle my emotions on my own, hopefully. Just wanna thank all of you.
The last thing that made my day a little.
Somehow I stereotype all guys, but..
This is what Suresh said.
You know, girls like you at this very point are very vulnerable to get a fling or get fling-ed, but yet, you're the girl who's much way different from the ones that are on the streets. You're just that special friend that all guys would want to cherish a friendship with you. You're indeed a good girl who deserve much better. You don't deserve this hardship that you're going through.
Upon hearing this, yes, jackson had told me that long ago too. So, I'm glad that these few people had told me. Because, I hate guys who just wanna be there for the girl and after that, for whatever reasons, the ambience or what moment it seems, they'll start to fall for each other at that moment for that lust. This is not what I want. I don't even wish for such a situation to happen. All I ask for are really good friends, and especially if they're guys, just to be there for me and see my unglamarous sight. I'm alright with it as long as I'm able to unlock the emotions in my heart.
So, of course, I didn't appear for work, hopefully they won't sack me please. I owe people money now and I'm in need of that for my expenses. Piano lessons later on followed by driving. Will be meeting special friend to get mooncake and off I go.
I will endure this and it's only day 5 for me. Many more to go...
Suresh and yishu accompanied me to drink at Holland Village. Thanks dudes.
Suresh also did listen to my sorrows, I was like telling him that I'm that a lousy friend or girlfriend to anyone. He did try to cheer me on, but it's kind of hard with me pouring all over. But it was still helpful in a manner with him telling me some stuffs that I would want to hear.
Many people buzzed my phone. Spammed me and all sorts. They were all really and seriously worried about me. Especially when I didn't answer their calls it became worst.
A sudden thought came to my mind: Why are they all calling at this time? Or did they have a hunch that I wasn't alright?
These are the people who called and msg-ed me profusely:
Jackson, Shawn, Michael ( another michael friend of mine), Timothy, Anli, Alicia, Cheryl.
Didn't want to bother my special friend. But still, I did tell him that I was out drinking at which place and will be out till late of course. He buzzed me quite a lot, and with me not answering, it's much worst. He was really worried, and wanted to cab down to send me home. But finally my friend Timothy drove me home so he didn't have to cab down to find me. Thanks a lot dude. I really owe you a lot ever since the first day I knew you. That's what I've felt all along. Very hard to explain but I do treasure the friendship we had.
Thanks to Timothy, he spotted me at Holland Village. I didn't realise you're there dude. He's kind of shocked why I was there drinking. He knew something must be up. Am glad you didn't leave although you wanted to. So you waited at the carpark and knew that I needed your ride home? Although I said bring me to powerhouse and you said I'm crazy. That's really nice of you to wait for me and the for the safe ride home. And you're like si'en ah x2, what's up with you, come on, you shouldn't be in such a state. Upon hearing, it made me worst, waterfall all the way.
Was supposed to go to powerhouse to meet the girls, but I ended up puking. I didn't drink much, I know too, I drank really fast, I gulped the glasses that I have. So yea, my friends stopped me from going and I was crying to cheryl at that time. Explaining why I can't appear there. Thanks to everyone who were there for me. I'm seriously grateful for that.
My dearest did call too. Quite expensive for her. I will call you again, but you better pick up this time. You do know my efforts! heh heh. After reading my post you should know I'm drunk earlier this morning. And yes, Jack actually did reply your tag at his blog. Do read it. Am so touched. You 2 are always there for me.
Sorry peeps for leaving all of you ups and downs for me. I will be fine, although it is something to prevent you all from worrying about me, but I gotta do so. If not, you all will still worry. So please don't. I will settle my emotions on my own, hopefully. Just wanna thank all of you.
The last thing that made my day a little.
Somehow I stereotype all guys, but..
This is what Suresh said.
You know, girls like you at this very point are very vulnerable to get a fling or get fling-ed, but yet, you're the girl who's much way different from the ones that are on the streets. You're just that special friend that all guys would want to cherish a friendship with you. You're indeed a good girl who deserve much better. You don't deserve this hardship that you're going through.
Upon hearing this, yes, jackson had told me that long ago too. So, I'm glad that these few people had told me. Because, I hate guys who just wanna be there for the girl and after that, for whatever reasons, the ambience or what moment it seems, they'll start to fall for each other at that moment for that lust. This is not what I want. I don't even wish for such a situation to happen. All I ask for are really good friends, and especially if they're guys, just to be there for me and see my unglamarous sight. I'm alright with it as long as I'm able to unlock the emotions in my heart.
So, of course, I didn't appear for work, hopefully they won't sack me please. I owe people money now and I'm in need of that for my expenses. Piano lessons later on followed by driving. Will be meeting special friend to get mooncake and off I go.
I will endure this and it's only day 5 for me. Many more to go...
12:22 am - Wednesday, September 10, 2008
This is day 3 cum 4.
I have got nothing to say. Speechless.
What made me laughed my eyes off is this:
Do you know what's a blowjob?
Ans: Er... Yea.. It is some kind of a plastic surgery right?
My reply: I'm so amazed. Woah.
Like oh my gosh. I seriously have too much to comment on that. hahas
Dang. You've brightened up my day seriously. I meant for ytd night. I gotta educate you more a little, or let your friends do. muahaha.
I have to act like nothing has happened.
To drink at Holland V today which is at evening. Then to meet the girls at powerhouse. How to make it for work on thursday? I think I'll just die of exhaustion. A need for money indeed and a need to let my hearts all out. With failed relationship, I guess, from now onwards, I shall be single. Yes!! Let's go on a girls date.
Anli - Thanks a lot once again. For the overseas call. hahas. Am so glad to hear you sweet little voice. Having loads of fun at aussie right? When you're back, we shall party together because it's time to!
People, cheer me up please. Anything that will divert my attention to elsewhere please do so. I can't be alone. When I am, I go insane. Am glad and thankful to those who listened to my sorrows and cries. So far, it's the both of you. =D
F1 is awaiting me but it seems that there's some problems with the tickets on my friend's end. Hope it isn't that bad.
I knew I've loved you more than once and it's really bad to be left alone now.
I have got nothing to say. Speechless.
What made me laughed my eyes off is this:
Do you know what's a blowjob?
Ans: Er... Yea.. It is some kind of a plastic surgery right?
My reply: I'm so amazed. Woah.
Like oh my gosh. I seriously have too much to comment on that. hahas
Dang. You've brightened up my day seriously. I meant for ytd night. I gotta educate you more a little, or let your friends do. muahaha.
I have to act like nothing has happened.
To drink at Holland V today which is at evening. Then to meet the girls at powerhouse. How to make it for work on thursday? I think I'll just die of exhaustion. A need for money indeed and a need to let my hearts all out. With failed relationship, I guess, from now onwards, I shall be single. Yes!! Let's go on a girls date.
Anli - Thanks a lot once again. For the overseas call. hahas. Am so glad to hear you sweet little voice. Having loads of fun at aussie right? When you're back, we shall party together because it's time to!
People, cheer me up please. Anything that will divert my attention to elsewhere please do so. I can't be alone. When I am, I go insane. Am glad and thankful to those who listened to my sorrows and cries. So far, it's the both of you. =D
F1 is awaiting me but it seems that there's some problems with the tickets on my friend's end. Hope it isn't that bad.
I knew I've loved you more than once and it's really bad to be left alone now.
11:47 pm - Monday, September 08, 2008
Si'En is always inferior. No matter what. It seems that he's still living in his past. I'm just that lousy.
Cried teared when i talked to my overseas senior. Yea, breakup season right? Both your good friends have broken up. Sighs.
So ya, I felt terrible for 2 whole days and am getting sick soon.
Anw I'm going for F1 this 27th sept. Am glad but not as glad too.
Sighs.
I screwed up my r/s, my life, my everything.
He didn't want to reply me or confirm anth. So i'll just leave it till he wanna reply i guess.
I can't think of anything to write about. Just that I'm freaking moody.
To add on, I've been having abdominal pains recently. Dang. Maybe I'm having some cancer. haha
Cried teared when i talked to my overseas senior. Yea, breakup season right? Both your good friends have broken up. Sighs.
So ya, I felt terrible for 2 whole days and am getting sick soon.
Anw I'm going for F1 this 27th sept. Am glad but not as glad too.
Sighs.
I screwed up my r/s, my life, my everything.
He didn't want to reply me or confirm anth. So i'll just leave it till he wanna reply i guess.
I can't think of anything to write about. Just that I'm freaking moody.
To add on, I've been having abdominal pains recently. Dang. Maybe I'm having some cancer. haha
11:31 pm - Sunday, September 07, 2008
So yes. I have to update many people about my life. Sometimes I do wish that I do not have to. But it seems that I still ought to do so. Especially special close friends. You know who you are. I know you guys care, but I do hope that I wouldn't be a burden to any of you. That's simply because, you all are dear to me. The love and care being showered to me is inevitable from all of you. Thanks.
I am said to be a destructive person by him. I have caused many scars to him. Well, yes I did, but it was all right from the start. A wrong start for the both of us. My super special friend jacko said 'you reap what you sow'. I felt really so. Yes, I do get that impact right now. So far, he's the other person who knows how i felt about this whole relationship. Besides him it's guan keat, my old friend. He knows about it too right from the beginning. I do wonder how he got to know so much about me at the point that he actually had a liking for me ever since till that day. Must be my friend telling loads of stuffs about me and my personality. Ever since, so ya, he fell for me. like idiot. I didn't know till months later. And so that's the reason I've been wondering. So we aren't on good terms anymore. The reason is because he couldn't convince me to stay away from TT? And didn't want to see me seriously hurt by him again and again? ahh. Maybe I do regret right now, but why should I? Because it had already happened and has happened. Was updating jack about gk. Gk's doing fine right now, going into NS real soon and had passed his driving not long ago i guess? Although he met up with a sort of accident but was solved shortly. Is doing great with his gf michelle. My friend, enough of your funny jokes btw me and gk. It's already in the past ah. He's moved on with someone else. Really felt like a laughing stock. You ah, didn't caution me earlier bout what he's trying to do to me. Anyway, all these have been a history of mine. I'm glad to hear that my long lost friend is doing well. Everyone's doing well, and when I looked upon myself, I am not doing so so well. Am I? Indeed, I teared. No, I didn't. I cried terribly,and it's that bad. It shocked him to the extent that he teared too. Was worst when my phone got some kind of techincal probs. kaoz. Dude, I know I'm your special friend, but not to such an extent right? Your gf will worry a lot too. Like waking up at such a weird time, which is when I called for immediate rescue at the hotline 999. Do take care of yourself and do not worry about me because I will be fine. GF is more impt. Got it? That's my main concern. Although you're ranked the first few on my list too. Even if i'm not fine, I wouldn't want to be something between the both of you. I want my special friend to have a long lasting r/s too. OK???
Would like to thank you for the few hours of letting me divert my attention to something else. Like venting of anger on balls? Letting me wander my mind off. t's good because I didn't drink or smoke. I will hold on to my promise. It's because it's not only you, but also to him. You ah, Zai la. At least you're able to set my mind thinking not about him but some weird stuffs. Played few round of the game in his psp. AM glad that I improved ok!!! So don't anyhow. I We will never be able to get together again. I don't know how to talk to him already. It seems that there's nothing in common at every angle. I will still be there for him no matter what. But it will be at a status of a normal friend. For my side, will I still contact him? It takes time for me to heal. I won't shun or isolate myself from anyone. Special friend had this hunch that I will at the very end. I hope I wouldn't. Because your hunch super duper accurate. Like what I've told you, I've already planned my schedule in a packed manner. Such as to drain myself from insignificant thoughts. Hopefully, I won't just die flat with my weak condition. Ahhh. It's really killing me.
This is only day 1. And i'm still counting.
Jackson - Take care of yourself first. Don't worry about me. I will be fine just like your blog. haha. Your end which is her is much more impt than how I am right now. I am just very elated to have a wonderful special good friend like you. A treat will come in time. When you're free.
Wayne - I guess I'm alright. Although, I'm really hurt. We're not together already. I think this wouldn't shock you. Just like how I told cheryl.
Anli - if you happen to read my posts, yes, don't worry much about me ok. I will be waiting for your return. Maybe I should just leave this country at once. Like how I did previously.
Michael - I'm alright. No worries.
My LMAOs - Girls, I will update you all again after ur prelims ok? Don't worry about me at the moment. It's just life and part and parcel of it. I gotta endure. I won't isolate myself like how i did in the past. Kind of scary I guess.
So...
To end off, Bao ying I hoped you liked to company of the few of us. It's like us being quite close. I'm glad to organise this despite the fact that I'm not myself. I hope you liked the small celebration girl. Happy 18 once again. Will upload the pics some other time. Send me those that I didn't capture.
When will my memorable celebration or day come again?
Day 1 and there are still many more to succumb.
I will not MIA. So don't worry. Will not isolate myself in any manner. So if I do, please tell me.
Afterall, we weren't meant together due to the many difference and weird perspectives that we had. I did made many faults but the greatest fault that I've found in myself and also in him is just a long story behind. I guess it has explained itself already, and I guess you're right (GK). I've used someone and in return I'm being used in a wrong manner.
I wish all the best for you and I'm just a listening ear ahead if you wouldn't mind.
I am said to be a destructive person by him. I have caused many scars to him. Well, yes I did, but it was all right from the start. A wrong start for the both of us. My super special friend jacko said 'you reap what you sow'. I felt really so. Yes, I do get that impact right now. So far, he's the other person who knows how i felt about this whole relationship. Besides him it's guan keat, my old friend. He knows about it too right from the beginning. I do wonder how he got to know so much about me at the point that he actually had a liking for me ever since till that day. Must be my friend telling loads of stuffs about me and my personality. Ever since, so ya, he fell for me. like idiot. I didn't know till months later. And so that's the reason I've been wondering. So we aren't on good terms anymore. The reason is because he couldn't convince me to stay away from TT? And didn't want to see me seriously hurt by him again and again? ahh. Maybe I do regret right now, but why should I? Because it had already happened and has happened. Was updating jack about gk. Gk's doing fine right now, going into NS real soon and had passed his driving not long ago i guess? Although he met up with a sort of accident but was solved shortly. Is doing great with his gf michelle. My friend, enough of your funny jokes btw me and gk. It's already in the past ah. He's moved on with someone else. Really felt like a laughing stock. You ah, didn't caution me earlier bout what he's trying to do to me. Anyway, all these have been a history of mine. I'm glad to hear that my long lost friend is doing well. Everyone's doing well, and when I looked upon myself, I am not doing so so well. Am I? Indeed, I teared. No, I didn't. I cried terribly,and it's that bad. It shocked him to the extent that he teared too. Was worst when my phone got some kind of techincal probs. kaoz. Dude, I know I'm your special friend, but not to such an extent right? Your gf will worry a lot too. Like waking up at such a weird time, which is when I called for immediate rescue at the hotline 999. Do take care of yourself and do not worry about me because I will be fine. GF is more impt. Got it? That's my main concern. Although you're ranked the first few on my list too. Even if i'm not fine, I wouldn't want to be something between the both of you. I want my special friend to have a long lasting r/s too. OK???
Would like to thank you for the few hours of letting me divert my attention to something else. Like venting of anger on balls? Letting me wander my mind off. t's good because I didn't drink or smoke. I will hold on to my promise. It's because it's not only you, but also to him. You ah, Zai la. At least you're able to set my mind thinking not about him but some weird stuffs. Played few round of the game in his psp. AM glad that I improved ok!!! So don't anyhow. I We will never be able to get together again. I don't know how to talk to him already. It seems that there's nothing in common at every angle. I will still be there for him no matter what. But it will be at a status of a normal friend. For my side, will I still contact him? It takes time for me to heal. I won't shun or isolate myself from anyone. Special friend had this hunch that I will at the very end. I hope I wouldn't. Because your hunch super duper accurate. Like what I've told you, I've already planned my schedule in a packed manner. Such as to drain myself from insignificant thoughts. Hopefully, I won't just die flat with my weak condition. Ahhh. It's really killing me.
This is only day 1. And i'm still counting.
Jackson - Take care of yourself first. Don't worry about me. I will be fine just like your blog. haha. Your end which is her is much more impt than how I am right now. I am just very elated to have a wonderful special good friend like you. A treat will come in time. When you're free.
Wayne - I guess I'm alright. Although, I'm really hurt. We're not together already. I think this wouldn't shock you. Just like how I told cheryl.
Anli - if you happen to read my posts, yes, don't worry much about me ok. I will be waiting for your return. Maybe I should just leave this country at once. Like how I did previously.
Michael - I'm alright. No worries.
My LMAOs - Girls, I will update you all again after ur prelims ok? Don't worry about me at the moment. It's just life and part and parcel of it. I gotta endure. I won't isolate myself like how i did in the past. Kind of scary I guess.
So...
To end off, Bao ying I hoped you liked to company of the few of us. It's like us being quite close. I'm glad to organise this despite the fact that I'm not myself. I hope you liked the small celebration girl. Happy 18 once again. Will upload the pics some other time. Send me those that I didn't capture.
When will my memorable celebration or day come again?
Day 1 and there are still many more to succumb.
I will not MIA. So don't worry. Will not isolate myself in any manner. So if I do, please tell me.
Afterall, we weren't meant together due to the many difference and weird perspectives that we had. I did made many faults but the greatest fault that I've found in myself and also in him is just a long story behind. I guess it has explained itself already, and I guess you're right (GK). I've used someone and in return I'm being used in a wrong manner.
I wish all the best for you and I'm just a listening ear ahead if you wouldn't mind.
5:27 am
I'm very heartbroken.
So I cried till this moment.
Yes, it is hard to forget everything.
But.. life's just like that.
Baoying. Happy 18th. But don't blame me for not being able to celebrate well later on ok?
Because I'm really down. Maybe we can go for a drink later on. Explain to you again soon.
Thanks a lot my good friend. I will try my best not to drink not to smoke not to do whatever stuffs, especially with drugs. I know you'll be there 24/7 although you're attached. but thanks. Seriously. You're a great friend. Idiot shit. I will only make that decision when I think it's right. You've just reminded me of that. Actually that's not my plan after the break.
And to you titan. I will try my best to not remember you in that manner. It hurts deep down. And i'm just shocked to get such a news from you. Well, I cried a lot that's because you've left a scar in me. Maybe I did the same to you too. I just hope that the decision that you've made would be best afterall.
I shall start counting. Till when it's right.
A girl who will not be ordinary anymore.
So I cried till this moment.
Yes, it is hard to forget everything.
But.. life's just like that.
Baoying. Happy 18th. But don't blame me for not being able to celebrate well later on ok?
Because I'm really down. Maybe we can go for a drink later on. Explain to you again soon.
Thanks a lot my good friend. I will try my best not to drink not to smoke not to do whatever stuffs, especially with drugs. I know you'll be there 24/7 although you're attached. but thanks. Seriously. You're a great friend. Idiot shit. I will only make that decision when I think it's right. You've just reminded me of that. Actually that's not my plan after the break.
And to you titan. I will try my best to not remember you in that manner. It hurts deep down. And i'm just shocked to get such a news from you. Well, I cried a lot that's because you've left a scar in me. Maybe I did the same to you too. I just hope that the decision that you've made would be best afterall.
I shall start counting. Till when it's right.
A girl who will not be ordinary anymore.
1:44 pm - Saturday, September 06, 2008
I must say I'm a happy girl now. yea.. that happy.
Had my first driving lesson. It's really great and met one of my friends while i was at BBDC. The guy whom my ex thought i liked while I was with him. Dang. You guys suck. Don't know what you all were thinking. So yea, driving was sort of tiring for my legs that's because I'm not used to it. I'm a fast driver as commented. I think I'll be a dangerous one. Like how my parents are. hahas
Am gonna head off to school already for the NAA event. It will be an eventful night later on. It was sort of an eventful night for me too.
Titan - Are you mad or something? If you wanna ignore me, then ignore all the way. I can't be bothered by your funny stuffs. I returned your call shortly after but wtf you don't even wanna reply me. Just to tell you, you've made my day. That's why I'm a happy person. Thanks dude. You would say I'm not there for you. FUCK. I am always there for you. Why don't you think you're not? You ordered me to do anything I did la. The first ever person who'll order me to do anything for you. DAMN. I'm not your toy or dog. So if you feel like talking to me, then you shall contact me. At the moment, which I know, you won't.
Jackson - Am glad you're doing well, sorry for the very very late reply from your good friend here. Although it's one day late but still I did reply. Ain't it? Continue the sweetness and stop being mushy on your blog la. Kaoz.
Baoying - am organising your birthday celebration for tmr. Hope it is memorable. Because my birthday isn't as great. It's a screwed up one. See ya girl. Happy 18 in advance, besides my prank msg-es earlier today. +D
Had my first driving lesson. It's really great and met one of my friends while i was at BBDC. The guy whom my ex thought i liked while I was with him. Dang. You guys suck. Don't know what you all were thinking. So yea, driving was sort of tiring for my legs that's because I'm not used to it. I'm a fast driver as commented. I think I'll be a dangerous one. Like how my parents are. hahas
Am gonna head off to school already for the NAA event. It will be an eventful night later on. It was sort of an eventful night for me too.
Titan - Are you mad or something? If you wanna ignore me, then ignore all the way. I can't be bothered by your funny stuffs. I returned your call shortly after but wtf you don't even wanna reply me. Just to tell you, you've made my day. That's why I'm a happy person. Thanks dude. You would say I'm not there for you. FUCK. I am always there for you. Why don't you think you're not? You ordered me to do anything I did la. The first ever person who'll order me to do anything for you. DAMN. I'm not your toy or dog. So if you feel like talking to me, then you shall contact me. At the moment, which I know, you won't.
Jackson - Am glad you're doing well, sorry for the very very late reply from your good friend here. Although it's one day late but still I did reply. Ain't it? Continue the sweetness and stop being mushy on your blog la. Kaoz.
Baoying - am organising your birthday celebration for tmr. Hope it is memorable. Because my birthday isn't as great. It's a screwed up one. See ya girl. Happy 18 in advance, besides my prank msg-es earlier today. +D
9:26 pm - Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Should I be feeling at the top of the world or should I just cast myself right down to the earth?
I am just so mistakenly accused of doing whatever stuffs that leads to another. So what now? My mum doesn't know how i feel, alrights, maybe she does. I do know that she has her concerns and all is well for me. But do you know that, I don't take you all for granted? I don't think highly of myself, if I really did, I would not even respect you even in the worst situation of bearing all consequences on my own. You seriously hurt my feelings at the struck of that moment. I put on that strong and unbeatable armour of mine. It's a heartache for me, do you know that? I know that either one of you would leave at any point of time, which is why I'm working so hard on myself on almost every single issue. Although I do not at certain points, that's because I do have stress too. Don't you remember, I would get a relapse of any of my historic illnesses? It can just strike me like a lightning. You wouldn't want to see an insane daughter right? To many points, I've controlled my emotions, which, isn't a good way. It leads to some kind of emotional madness according to scientific studies. Well, I wish to say no more. That's because, you're still at my utmost priority. I hope that no one would ever treat us like the way they've to our family. No matter how good your conscience is, you're being lashed back instantly for your goodness. The world is totally unfair, the good people don't get the good stuffs in return but guess what? Doubly shits!
Well, my senior called me from Adelaide, whenever I see this word 'unknown' appearing at the buzzing phone of mine, I knew it's her. How I wish I have a nice and wonderful sister like her. She's really great. I'm indeed touched. Because it's pretty expensive to call internationally. Girl, we won't be a distancing away. No worries, whenever I have problems I will just nudge you to tell you in advance alrights?? I wouldn't want anyone to worry about me, especially you, being overseas. Am glad that you did well at your presentation today. Just motivate yourself to do well in your uni economic modules and you'll be good. Don't sleep too late because I know and you know it well too. It's bad for complexion and your health. We both have the same problems I guess. Health issues. hehs. So do take care. I will be here anytime for you too. Just nudge me and i'll be over in a couple. Will call you soon enough, but you gotta give me an early notice.
So.. was talking to her regarding some issues. She's worried about me. That's because of the posts on my blog recently. It's only the few of you that can understand my language. The minimal kind. I'm really happy that it's the few of you. But not so too. Wonder why.. and then her connection got cut off instantly when we're on the hot topic. ahhhh. shall continue again ok. I guess I'm alright. Li Hui and Anli, you girls don't worry too much about me right now. I assure you all, if you don't hear a phone call from me, it means I'm sane emotionally. Deal?
Concentrate on your books people. While I'm here, working through my hols and learning new stuffs at the same time too. See you all soon ok! =D
While working today, some nasty incidents flashed through my mind. It's really destructive and I just tried to distract myself by stopping the works of my brain. Damn. At least I was at work, if not, I wouldn't know what would happen.
Recently, I found a little more of myself.
Things which I didn't know people had looked at me in such a manner.
They are:
1. Hanging loosely around
2. Stuck up with this bloody ego
3. Selfish
4. And then it comes to being selfless too
5. Thinking highly of myself
6. Has no feelings for others
7. Toying of people's feelings
8. Loves to hang with people who loose themselves
I can't really remember much of it. There are more. But there are 2 more to it. I want it to be a top 10 kind of things that I don't know about myself.
So.. Please tell me the other 2 stuffs? I'm really desperate. Maybe the word desperate should enter into the list too.
And yes.. Give some thought to it. Do you want to have friends who are virgins or aren't virgins?
Then I shall continue with the relevant stuffs that had been going through in my mind. It has been there for quite some time. And yea, does peer pressure force you into doing something that may be seriously out of your morales?
I am just so mistakenly accused of doing whatever stuffs that leads to another. So what now? My mum doesn't know how i feel, alrights, maybe she does. I do know that she has her concerns and all is well for me. But do you know that, I don't take you all for granted? I don't think highly of myself, if I really did, I would not even respect you even in the worst situation of bearing all consequences on my own. You seriously hurt my feelings at the struck of that moment. I put on that strong and unbeatable armour of mine. It's a heartache for me, do you know that? I know that either one of you would leave at any point of time, which is why I'm working so hard on myself on almost every single issue. Although I do not at certain points, that's because I do have stress too. Don't you remember, I would get a relapse of any of my historic illnesses? It can just strike me like a lightning. You wouldn't want to see an insane daughter right? To many points, I've controlled my emotions, which, isn't a good way. It leads to some kind of emotional madness according to scientific studies. Well, I wish to say no more. That's because, you're still at my utmost priority. I hope that no one would ever treat us like the way they've to our family. No matter how good your conscience is, you're being lashed back instantly for your goodness. The world is totally unfair, the good people don't get the good stuffs in return but guess what? Doubly shits!
Well, my senior called me from Adelaide, whenever I see this word 'unknown' appearing at the buzzing phone of mine, I knew it's her. How I wish I have a nice and wonderful sister like her. She's really great. I'm indeed touched. Because it's pretty expensive to call internationally. Girl, we won't be a distancing away. No worries, whenever I have problems I will just nudge you to tell you in advance alrights?? I wouldn't want anyone to worry about me, especially you, being overseas. Am glad that you did well at your presentation today. Just motivate yourself to do well in your uni economic modules and you'll be good. Don't sleep too late because I know and you know it well too. It's bad for complexion and your health. We both have the same problems I guess. Health issues. hehs. So do take care. I will be here anytime for you too. Just nudge me and i'll be over in a couple. Will call you soon enough, but you gotta give me an early notice.
So.. was talking to her regarding some issues. She's worried about me. That's because of the posts on my blog recently. It's only the few of you that can understand my language. The minimal kind. I'm really happy that it's the few of you. But not so too. Wonder why.. and then her connection got cut off instantly when we're on the hot topic. ahhhh. shall continue again ok. I guess I'm alright. Li Hui and Anli, you girls don't worry too much about me right now. I assure you all, if you don't hear a phone call from me, it means I'm sane emotionally. Deal?
Concentrate on your books people. While I'm here, working through my hols and learning new stuffs at the same time too. See you all soon ok! =D
While working today, some nasty incidents flashed through my mind. It's really destructive and I just tried to distract myself by stopping the works of my brain. Damn. At least I was at work, if not, I wouldn't know what would happen.
Recently, I found a little more of myself.
Things which I didn't know people had looked at me in such a manner.
They are:
1. Hanging loosely around
2. Stuck up with this bloody ego
3. Selfish
4. And then it comes to being selfless too
5. Thinking highly of myself
6. Has no feelings for others
7. Toying of people's feelings
8. Loves to hang with people who loose themselves
I can't really remember much of it. There are more. But there are 2 more to it. I want it to be a top 10 kind of things that I don't know about myself.
So.. Please tell me the other 2 stuffs? I'm really desperate. Maybe the word desperate should enter into the list too.
And yes.. Give some thought to it. Do you want to have friends who are virgins or aren't virgins?
Then I shall continue with the relevant stuffs that had been going through in my mind. It has been there for quite some time. And yea, does peer pressure force you into doing something that may be seriously out of your morales?
9:52 pm - Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Enough of the sad stuffs that I have and have been going through. I felt seriously bad enough to have hurt anyone around me. I'm so sorry and I hope it won't ever happen again. And if i did in the future, it's unintentional. I would have hurt you it's because of the insecurity that I have and also the confidence that's lacking in myself. Besides, it's also the many incidents that had happened during the whole of this relationship. It's really a long long story. I bet no one actually knew. Maybe there are? The humiliation that I face and all sorts. I wouldn't want to talk about it because I will be the one who's totally at fault. So.. I'll just heck. I will never be the one who's right about anything. Sighs.
So.. Drinking, smoking and any others relating to it, it's nothing of anyone's business. It's mine.
To move away from all the bad happenings that I have in my life, I'm a happy person today!!!
I passed my BTT!! WHOO. I did the test like twice to ensure that I can pass. hahas. And idiotically, I didn't bring my specs or put on contacts, so I didn't pass my vision test. I could see everything but that last small tiny weany letter E!!!! DANG. so yea, I gotta make a trip down again to apply for my PDL before the start of my driving lessons.
Thanks Suresh and your whoever friend who actually came down to wait for me. Although I've wasted like an hour plus. So sorry.
Then, went for some grooming session. Freaking broke now. I had a change of plan today. Didn't visit oily (darrel) and his operated knee. Another day ok dude? Stop slacking at home while in NS. I went to the salon cut, dyed and had treatment for like more than 2 hours or so. I guess it's not that bad. Bao ying thinks I'm crazy. Supposed to have her and the others to accompany. Well, so it means we can have much more time bonding together you know, girl. So yea, then Joson was like waiting for me at gombak to pass the AC econs notes to me. It's a whole load of it. Anli - mission is complete. Will help you send this pile to Adelaide.
Joson - Good luck studying for your A levels, in 6 weeks time. Do well and we'll hang out again soon enough. Hopefully, I'm also free by then. You'll have my support. Feel free to call me out for mugging session. I do need them too. The song sung by jerry yan is nice. Send me ok!! thanks.
Working tomorrow till Friday. Yes, the cash to fill my pocket again. Embarrassment today, swiped the card like 4 times and it couldn't get through. hahas. like gosh.
It's the hols, but I'm not really free. Free? To a certain extent. But there's so many things for me to do and complete it. Too many things on my mind, too many things to accomplish, when will I ever get time to myself? For soul searching again? I guess I shall not. It leads to emotional stress sooner or later. So.... just slug like nothing's bothering me. You're on your own when you've made the move to step into another world.
Gossip girl season 2 is out. So do catch it. I'm almost done with season 1 already. Like within 2 days. I'm that fassstttt.
Note of the day:
Do not be wavered by how people look at you. Your innocence still does exist.
Wait for the right person to discover it and you'll be fine.
Loose or unscrewed, it all depends on yourself. You can't be judged in that manner anymore.
To rebel is the solution to certain issues but practically it seems that it's almost to everything.
So.. Drinking, smoking and any others relating to it, it's nothing of anyone's business. It's mine.
To move away from all the bad happenings that I have in my life, I'm a happy person today!!!
I passed my BTT!! WHOO. I did the test like twice to ensure that I can pass. hahas. And idiotically, I didn't bring my specs or put on contacts, so I didn't pass my vision test. I could see everything but that last small tiny weany letter E!!!! DANG. so yea, I gotta make a trip down again to apply for my PDL before the start of my driving lessons.
Thanks Suresh and your whoever friend who actually came down to wait for me. Although I've wasted like an hour plus. So sorry.
Then, went for some grooming session. Freaking broke now. I had a change of plan today. Didn't visit oily (darrel) and his operated knee. Another day ok dude? Stop slacking at home while in NS. I went to the salon cut, dyed and had treatment for like more than 2 hours or so. I guess it's not that bad. Bao ying thinks I'm crazy. Supposed to have her and the others to accompany. Well, so it means we can have much more time bonding together you know, girl. So yea, then Joson was like waiting for me at gombak to pass the AC econs notes to me. It's a whole load of it. Anli - mission is complete. Will help you send this pile to Adelaide.
Joson - Good luck studying for your A levels, in 6 weeks time. Do well and we'll hang out again soon enough. Hopefully, I'm also free by then. You'll have my support. Feel free to call me out for mugging session. I do need them too. The song sung by jerry yan is nice. Send me ok!! thanks.
Working tomorrow till Friday. Yes, the cash to fill my pocket again. Embarrassment today, swiped the card like 4 times and it couldn't get through. hahas. like gosh.
It's the hols, but I'm not really free. Free? To a certain extent. But there's so many things for me to do and complete it. Too many things on my mind, too many things to accomplish, when will I ever get time to myself? For soul searching again? I guess I shall not. It leads to emotional stress sooner or later. So.... just slug like nothing's bothering me. You're on your own when you've made the move to step into another world.
Gossip girl season 2 is out. So do catch it. I'm almost done with season 1 already. Like within 2 days. I'm that fassstttt.
Note of the day:
Do not be wavered by how people look at you. Your innocence still does exist.
Wait for the right person to discover it and you'll be fine.
Loose or unscrewed, it all depends on yourself. You can't be judged in that manner anymore.
To rebel is the solution to certain issues but practically it seems that it's almost to everything.
11:12 am - Monday, September 01, 2008
Have been thinking a lot lately. That's when I actually thought about my life, should I be single and endure everything alone or just let him be there to support me. So, I decided to give myself a break and not turn up for work. Emo - ing lately. And I guess I need to regain the confidence in myself. Sighs. I felt quite screwed up. Having the load to uphold my values and also the situations around me.
Have been tearing a lot. When I see you or even when I don't. I'm not pretty sure, but somehow I just wanna ease myself in a manner. Sorry for ytd, for some irrational kind of thought and words that came out from me.
To you - I fear losing actually almost everyone. Be it a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend and whatsoever. I do hope that we can succumb the many differences. I wouldn't want the setback to haunt on me again. I'm actually on the verge of losing anyone at any point of time. It's hard for anyone to understand, but it's just the life that I'm going through. So I hope, you would be the last one there for me. Like the one that I can trust and sow my efforts within.
Just emailed Mr Shaw recently, am glad to receive his reply although he's pretty busy for preparation to his next adventures - travelling and also to Mexico, his next destination. TF04 will definitely miss you tonnes. I guess almost anyone in Ngee Ann Poly, especially for your BCOMM lessons. So.. He replied and gave me a whole load of comments for my BCOMM presentations.
This is the email reply from him:
Hi Erica, Yes, I've been a little busy lately with finishing things at Ngee Ann and getting ready for my next adventures -- traveling for about 6 weeks and then moving to Mexico. But all is well. Regarding your oral presentation... Let me first say, I was impressed from the beginning of the semester (your first presentation) with your overall confidence when speaking. You gave the impression that you believed in what you were speaking about, and you were bold and enthusiastic about it. This is terrific and I encourage you to maintain this demeanor for all of your future presentations. You even improved with this confidence throughout the semester. I felt that it was the highlight of your final presentation. Overall, your final presentation was very good. Although, you did have a few instances where you got "stuck" and had a couple of awkward pauses. This is normal, and the best solution is usually just more practice. Practicing your specific speech more so that you know exactly what to expect when delivering the speech, but also practicing being in front of an audience more as well. Often times when people get nervous in front of an audience, one result is getting stuck when transitioning from one topic to the next. Becoming more comfortable in front of audiences through practice is the best cure. I hope that through this semester, you've been able to feel more comfortable speaking in front of relatively large audiences. It's not easy! Another quick note: your eye contact was good, but as for everyone, it can still be improved. Think of the "1 second rule" -- try to make eye contact with a person for 1 second, and then move on to someone else, and then someone else, and then someone else, etc. Establish a personal connection with the audience. It really does help to build trust and convince the audience that you really believe in your topic. So, I can't tell you exactly right now (things are still being finalized), but I will say that I gave you excellent marks for your oral presentations. Your marks for the writing assessments were on the lower side, but your oral presentation marks (30%) definitely helped your overall grade a lot. I hope the break has been treating you well!
GOSH GOSH!!!
Oh my.. Quite bad. I do know I've not been practising on writing a lot recently. Not recently but almost close to like a year kind of thing ever since getting out of JC. RAHHHH. I hope I can get like above a B grade. Like seriously, it will be very bad if I get lower than that. My overall GPA will just be very very low. I have this hunch, it'll definitely be very accurate! Trust me.
BTT is tomorrow and have been trying the questions online. Quite a number of mistakes, and like sort of demoralize me. Dang! Will continue to pract again. Wish me the best of luck.
Suresh who's my BTT expert will be accompanying me tmr!! Great! My supper buddy who stays quite near me. haha.
Please let me pass!!!!
Apple - Thanks for the chalet. Love you girl!! hahas. meet up again. It's great to meet up with you guys.
Have been tearing a lot. When I see you or even when I don't. I'm not pretty sure, but somehow I just wanna ease myself in a manner. Sorry for ytd, for some irrational kind of thought and words that came out from me.
To you - I fear losing actually almost everyone. Be it a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend and whatsoever. I do hope that we can succumb the many differences. I wouldn't want the setback to haunt on me again. I'm actually on the verge of losing anyone at any point of time. It's hard for anyone to understand, but it's just the life that I'm going through. So I hope, you would be the last one there for me. Like the one that I can trust and sow my efforts within.
Just emailed Mr Shaw recently, am glad to receive his reply although he's pretty busy for preparation to his next adventures - travelling and also to Mexico, his next destination. TF04 will definitely miss you tonnes. I guess almost anyone in Ngee Ann Poly, especially for your BCOMM lessons. So.. He replied and gave me a whole load of comments for my BCOMM presentations.
This is the email reply from him:
Hi Erica, Yes, I've been a little busy lately with finishing things at Ngee Ann and getting ready for my next adventures -- traveling for about 6 weeks and then moving to Mexico. But all is well. Regarding your oral presentation... Let me first say, I was impressed from the beginning of the semester (your first presentation) with your overall confidence when speaking. You gave the impression that you believed in what you were speaking about, and you were bold and enthusiastic about it. This is terrific and I encourage you to maintain this demeanor for all of your future presentations. You even improved with this confidence throughout the semester. I felt that it was the highlight of your final presentation. Overall, your final presentation was very good. Although, you did have a few instances where you got "stuck" and had a couple of awkward pauses. This is normal, and the best solution is usually just more practice. Practicing your specific speech more so that you know exactly what to expect when delivering the speech, but also practicing being in front of an audience more as well. Often times when people get nervous in front of an audience, one result is getting stuck when transitioning from one topic to the next. Becoming more comfortable in front of audiences through practice is the best cure. I hope that through this semester, you've been able to feel more comfortable speaking in front of relatively large audiences. It's not easy! Another quick note: your eye contact was good, but as for everyone, it can still be improved. Think of the "1 second rule" -- try to make eye contact with a person for 1 second, and then move on to someone else, and then someone else, and then someone else, etc. Establish a personal connection with the audience. It really does help to build trust and convince the audience that you really believe in your topic. So, I can't tell you exactly right now (things are still being finalized), but I will say that I gave you excellent marks for your oral presentations. Your marks for the writing assessments were on the lower side, but your oral presentation marks (30%) definitely helped your overall grade a lot. I hope the break has been treating you well!
GOSH GOSH!!!
Oh my.. Quite bad. I do know I've not been practising on writing a lot recently. Not recently but almost close to like a year kind of thing ever since getting out of JC. RAHHHH. I hope I can get like above a B grade. Like seriously, it will be very bad if I get lower than that. My overall GPA will just be very very low. I have this hunch, it'll definitely be very accurate! Trust me.
BTT is tomorrow and have been trying the questions online. Quite a number of mistakes, and like sort of demoralize me. Dang! Will continue to pract again. Wish me the best of luck.
Suresh who's my BTT expert will be accompanying me tmr!! Great! My supper buddy who stays quite near me. haha.
Please let me pass!!!!
Apple - Thanks for the chalet. Love you girl!! hahas. meet up again. It's great to meet up with you guys.
A R C H I V E S
wasting my life away
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
September 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
April 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
September 2007
November 2007
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
A F F I L I A T E S
the people...
MORE MADNESS TO COME..